


Lily's Amazing Super Secret Plan That Can't Go Wrong

by Lava (EchoBerry)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:39:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9182206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoBerry/pseuds/Lava
Summary: Lily always knows when Remus is hiding something. Always. That devil woman. How does she always know everything? Somehow she manages to figure out that Remus is crushing on someone. Hard. But fortunately, she has an idea.Nothing can go wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

Lily threw her book down on the library table. “You’re hiding something.”

Remus flicked his eyes up from his own textbook to the flaming and sometimes quite terrifying redhead sat opposite him. She was squinting rather hard, and Remus vaguely wondered if she had been reading up on legilimency. He returned his gaze to his book.

“Moony…” Now she was gazing at him like someone might look under a car for an oil leak. The use of his Marauder’s nickname was a rather recent addition to her vocabulary now that she and James were on speaking terms again. They had made up after the  _ green eggs and stag _ incident. It made Remus shudder. 

“Moony.” He kept his eyes fixated on his textbook in an effort to avoid her gaze. Somehow this red headed devil woman could read him like a book. She had known that he was hiding something with his health, she had figured out independently about his…  _ furry little problem _ , and now she was about to dig up yet another embarrassing thing that really he would rather nobody knew about. 

“What book are you reading?” Remus looked up, almost too hopeful that she was just curious about his textbook choice and had dropped the secret subject. The only problem was that he seemed to have forgotten what book it was.

“Uuuuhhhh..” he quickly scanned for clues in the text. Truth be told, he hadn’t really taken in a word of it the last half an hour they’d been sitting there. He did not want to make it obscenely obvious that this was the case though. Especially not in front of this witch-extraordinaire-cum-detective. “Book- spell book. Wizard. Book.” He mumbled intelligently.

“It’s potions,” she deadpanned. 

“That’s still a wizard book,” he tried meekly.

“You’ve been a wizard for six years, Remus, You’re the best bloody student in our year. Shut up ‘wizard book’.”

Remus looked surreptitiously around the library. There weren’t too many students this time of year so they had no chance of being disturbed. That also meant no one to save Remus. He knew exactly what had been distracting him, and he was determined that he would be the only one to know what that was. But LIly was about to pry it out of him. She always did. He sighed, “I have no idea what I was reading.”

“Yesss,” she grinned over her little victory. “I mean, you have been staring at the same spot since you opened the book. Actually, you haven't even turned a page.”

“Just drop it, okay?” 

“Moony, Remus. Has your life ever been worse for me knowing about things you don’t want anyone knowing about?”

“This is serious.”

“More serious than lycanthropy?” She mouthed the last part. Remus pinched his lips together. It was possible that she had a point about that. “You always think that other people think that stuff is worse than it is. Perceived threat.” She squinted at him again. “Remus. What does Remus never talk about?”

She grinned.

“Stop it.”

“Who is it?”

He grimaced and stood up to go. Lily quickly lunged forward and grabbed his book, dragging it to her side of hte table, gripping it to her chest.

“Give that back.”   
“Tell me who it is.”

“No.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “Alright then.” He made to leave. Even managed to sling his bag over his shoulder. But he couldn’t finish his essay without that book. He huffed that she called his bluff. “Give it back.”

But she was squinting at him again. He covered his eyes with his hands, certain that she was somehow reading his mind.

“Someone that is embarrassing…”

_ Oh no. She hasn’t dropped it. _

“So, hmm.” She tapped her lip. “Someone you wouldn’t tell your  _ Marauders _ about.” She said it with a smirk. “Wait, have you told them?”

He opened his mouth, then shut it again quickly.  _ Stupid, traitor mouth. _

“No. You haven’t. So, is it that girl that Peter’s been kissing behind the tapestry on the third floor? Oh, don’t look so surprised, of course I know about that.”

Sensing that his doom was impending, Remus decided to be a man and face his fate head on. He sat down. 

“So you’re not denying that you are crushing hard on someone?” She had put her head in her hand coquettishly, and it was bloody annoying how smug she looked.

“I guess not.”

“Marlene.”

He closed his eyes. “No.”

“Mary McDonald?”

He rolled his eyes at her.

“No, they’re too obvious. Is it-” she hesitated, “Emma Vanity?”

“What? No!”

“Well, she is really good at quidditch. She might carry Slytherin to victory this year, and that would seriously piss James and Sirius off so-” She shrugged. “I can’t really think of a girl worse than her-” Her eyes went wide. “Is it Narcissa?”

Remus actually snorted at that. 

“Yeah, we'll have to cover all the bases. Umm… Please tell me this isn’t some stupid charade where I wind round and round all the girls in Hogwarts and it turns out to be me?”

“Lily, don’t be thick.”

“Good. Because I’d slap you.” She tossed her mane over her shoulder, looking rather like she was preparing for battle. “Right. Clearly I need a change of tact. This is not working.” She cricked her neck, then leaned in. “Is it- a. Gry-irl?” The last word barely slid out of her mouth. It sounded like she had been about to say Gryffindor, then changed direction completely.

Nothing could have stopped the burning, prickling sensation creeping under Remus’ neck. Lily’s hand slid over her mouth. She cupped it so that no one could see her mouth “Are you gay?”

“Give my book back.”

“It’s chill!”

She handed it back to him, gently. He had stood up so quickly, cheeks a rather fierce shade of pink, that Lily hadn’t had the heart to keep teasing him. He pushed it back into his bag and made to go again, but stopped when Lily placed her hand over his. 

“Moony, it’s okay. I don’t care. I mean, I do obviously, but not about that. Wait, did that make sense?”

He squeezed her hand. “Thanks.” He mouthed it. They stayed there for a minute. Eventually, Remus sat down, a sheen of water over his eyes. “Do you know how hard it is to be a werewolf?” He whispered. Lily didn’t think it was a question that was supposed to be answered, she already knew that she had no idea how bloody difficult it was for Remus. “And I just had to win the lottery twice and be a gay werewolf.”

“Nobody who matters will care about that.”

He closed his eyes, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “Thanks Lils.”

She smiled and grabbed his hand again. “See? You always feel better when I know your secrets.”

“I am not sure that that is the reaffirming message either of us should be getting from this.”

“You worry too much.”

“I have a lot to lose.”

She squeezed his hand again. “You won’t lose me, though. So. Who is it?”

“Drop it.”

“Unless you want to just tell me?”

He sighed. “I am still getting over the shock of  you not disowning me forever. And the shock of just telling someone. And maybe even admitting it to myself. Out loud. Big day. I think that is enough for part one.” He brushed his eyes with his sweater sleeve. “Sorry.”

“No, no, I get it. How about we actually do some work, hey?”

With a wet laugh, Remus pulled his textbook back out of the bag and to the position he was before this interrogation had begun. Lily continued her essay, and it was as though nothing had even happened. Relief made his hands wobbly and his face feel light. He pulled himself together and began taking a few notes, quill scribbling. Remus thought he was starting to get into his study vibe, until his eyes flicked once again over the little doodle that had been scribbled in the border of his textbook earlier that day. The source of his earlier distraction. He glanced up at Lily who was sucking the end of her quill. She noticed his gaze and smiled at him. He smiled awkwardly back.  _ Dammit. Just finish the essay. The jumpier you look the more questions she’ll ask. _ He took a deep breath and scribbled something down quickly. Anything. Although he couldn’t actually recall what he had written. Once again, the little doodle on his notebook was commanding his attention. An infantile stick doodle of a dog, a wolf, a stag, and what was nearly a rat but the perpetrator had been ordered to ‘pay attention’ at that point and Remus had been forced to finish off the piece of ‘art’. Somehow, his rendition of a stick-rat was even worse than the hand that had begun the doodle.  He smiled at the memory. The whining voice,

 

_        “Moooony! I can’t believe you tried to finish it! It’s a masterpiece, and look at what you did to Peter! A mere caricature of his true self.” _

_        “Stop defiling my textbooks!” _

 

“You’re thinking about him again.”

“Oh jeez, not this.”

“Stop spacing out! Oh goodness, Moony, just tell me who it is. The anticipation is killing me.”

“It’s not.”

“I could drop dead any second. The tension is unbearable.”

“It isn’t.”

“You stopped working again. Just tell me.”

Remus dropped his textbook on the table. Clearly also a traitor.

“Someone that you still can’t tell me, even though i am fine with your choice of sexual preference aligning with mine.”

“Phrasing. Please.”

“It’s not… it’s not Severus is it?”

He pulled a face like his porridge had been made with curdled milk. “Please, Lily. Pretend to be taking this seriously.”

“But you agree that he would be a crush candidate that you would not want your friends knowing about? Even me, maybe?”

“Hesitantly, I agree that your logic has merit.”

She drummed her fingers against her lips. “Oh god, it’s not a teacher.”

“No!” People actually looked around at his shout, some of them frowning or shaking their heads as they returned to their books. “No.”

Lily had now bared her teeth in a grimace, “Oh Merlin, tell me it’s not Regulus. That would be super awkward.”

Remus slumped to the desk. “Why are you picking all the worst possible candidates? It’s really not  _ that _ bad. Give me more credit than to fall for a death eater.”

Lily wilted at that. Severus and her had had a major falling out not two months ago about his alarming alliances with dark wizards. The atmosphere in their shared classes was icy. Lily had been crying a lot and shouting at James a lot because he was bad mouthing her memory of Severus, and whilst he was right it was too painful for Lily who had stuck up for him for so long. Hogwarts had also been under her tirade of strict rule-implementation as she stomped around being very stringent on tucked in shirts and other prefectly duties. Merlin forbid you were seen in the corridors out of hours. A few days afterwards, Sirius and Regulus had had a similarly explosive death-eater related fight that had left Sirius also stomping around for days. Although, he had always suffered a rift between himself and his brother, especially this year after running away from ‘that shitty grim old place’ as he described it. Not home. Never home. It had still been painful to see Regulus idolising terrorists.

He had curled up next to Remus that night. Silently climbed on top of his bed and buried his head into his shoulder. His hair, uncut since the move, fanning out over the covers. Remus had gently stroked his shoulder until Sirius fell asleep or he did, he could not remember which had happened first. He was brought back from that particular cherished memory by a giggle.

“It’s not Barty Crouch, is it? Please tell me it isn’t Barty.”

“Lily! You must think I have terrible taste! Please give me some credit.”

She stifled her giggles, but choked out “He’s not  _ bad _ looking. There must be a reason you don't want anyone to know. You can’t blame me for assuming it’s someone… ”

“Don’t finish that sentence.”

“Oh dear. Is it- James?” He looked at her in surprise. Her cheeks had flushed a delicate pink, as though she had just been running.

“Now, Lily Evans. Why on earth would that be an issue for me to tell you?”

She glared at him.

“You hate him, so obviously I wouldn’t be ‘taking a potential boy out the dating pool’. Unless… you don’t hate him.”

“Oh be quiet. Answer the question.”

He shook his head. “It’s not James. Feel safe that you won’t be interrupted from continuous propositions to Hogsmeade. And feel free to maybe accept once in awhile. It would make the dorm room much more peaceful.”

Remus silently thought that with Peter already out of the dormroom picture snogging the girl behind the third floor tapestry, and James out at Hogsmeade, that might very well leave the dorm room free for him and a certain other person to … well, hang out at least. He wondered how he would orchestrate another cosy cuddling session without it seeming weird. He didn’t know what made the ‘click’ in Lily’s brain. Maybe it was his goofy smile at that thought. Maybe it was her eagle eyes identifying the source of his distraction in the column of his textbook. 

“Oh.”

That didn’t sound good.

“OH!”

That didn’t sound good at all.

“Long, luscious locks…”

“Lily,” Remus said warningly.

“Gorgeous athletic body…”

“Lily.”

“A devil-may-care attitude and a smile that makes honey seem bitter…”

_ She knows. _

“Well? Is it your favourite beater?”

Remus ran his fingers through his hair. “The uh… Prewett twins?”

“That would be a great deflection if they still went to school,” she said sticking out her tongue. Then, sighing, she said “It’s Sirius. It’s actually so obvious now.”

Despite knowing the revelation was coming his heart still squeezed painfully. The seconds ticked on, and it became too late to try and deny it. That uncomfortable flush was returning to his cheeks. With nowhere to hide, Remus took the hero’s way out and shut his eyes. “Please Lily.” His voice sounded pathetically small. “Please please don’t tell him.”   
“I won’t tell anyone!” She said immediately, sounding so earnest that Remus felt safe enough to open his eyes. “Never. I would never break your confidence. I haven’t and I won’t.” He slumped to the desk, exhausted. She gave him a little pat on the head.  “I mean, I can’t blame you. Sirius is like, really really hot.”

Remus let out a groan. “What am I going to doooo?”

“Yes, that is a slightly more problematic aspect of this situation. Is he even, you know, into guys?”

Remus shrugged, still pressed against the desk. 

“Hmm. Would you like to go to the kitchens?”

“Eh?” 

“I am not going to get anymore work done, and I could do with a glass of pumpkin juice. And a walk. Wanna come?”

He rubbed his eyes and grabbed his satchel. Even if he sat here for the next four hours this essay still wouldn’t be done. “Yeah. Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Wait, what do you mean ‘so obvious’?” Said Remus between sips of hot chocolate. They'd made their way to the kitchen and two house elves were delighted to feed them while they sat on a little table tucked in the corner.

Lily at least had the decency to look thoughtful as she drank her pumpkin juice. “Well, I mean, i always thought your Marauder lot were rather close. I mean, you all are there for each other. They help you with your… thing, and like Sirius moved in with James this year and… you know.” She got herself back on her train of thought. “You could just pass it off as your really close friendship. But you and Sirius do always seem to end up sitting next to each other.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “We don’t.”

“Eh… I mean, you’re right. But I dunno. Like, you just smile more around him. I dunno, It’s subtle because It’s you, Remus, but now I think about it you really do act differently around him.”

Remus put his cup down. He wasn’t really tasting the chocolate, so what was the point. “Do you think he knows?”

Lily’s mouth slowly fell open as she thought about it. She was possibly thinking harder than anything else in her life, which was almost amusing, but rather put a sense of weight on her answer. “I… don’t kn... I mean, he… There was that time when. Hmm.” She frowned. “Maybe?” 

“Lily, you’re scaring me a bit.”

“Well, you have never had a crush before, Remus. Or maybe you have, but never one that you have taken seriously enough to distract you from homework!”

“Tell me why  _ maybe _ ?” he said, wishing that she had not just spelt out the stakes quite as high as  _ homework distraction. _ Once Remus was distracted from homework, it was bad.

“He is sort of- you know. Like when he… he’s tender around you. Like, he passes you butter at breakfast.”

It rather sounded to Remus like she was describing an ordinary person at the breakfast table. “He passes me butter?” he said weakly. “Oh well. In that case. He must be about to propose. How could I have missed the signs?”

“Look, I didn’t say I was amazing with romance.”

“I don’t think anyone says that about you.”

“Rude. He is always bothering you in transfiguration!”

“Don’t say that like it’s evidence! He bothers everyone!”

“Aahhh, ummm, and he brings you tea when it’s your time of the month?”

“Hmm.” That was true, and actually was slightly more like evidence. But it could also be because Sirius is a decent person and brings his friends presents when they’re feeling shitty.

“I mean, don’t act like you’re some ‘love expert’ because he sometimes brings me tea. But you are correct. He brings me tea.” Suddenly, her face lit up with a brightness that meant nothing good for Remus and she snapped her fingers. “What…”

“Maybe we need to do an experiment.”

“No.” 

“Like, to see if he does fancy you.”

“We do not need to do that.”

“Let’s make a plan.”

“Nobody needs a plan. Put that parchment away!”

But Lily was already jotting down notes. Occasionally she would hum and move the parchment out of Remus’ reach. After a few minutes, she said “Got it!”

Remus whined. But instead of telling him, Lily stood up and grabbed her bag. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Remus. I have the perfect plan. Let’s go to bed, you don’t want to be caught out of bed after hours!”

“But we’re both prefects... “ he whimpered, tagging along reluctantly.


	3. Chapter 3

“I just think it would be sensible if i also knew the plan?” Remus tried for the twentieth time. 

“Erumpet Horn,” said Lily to the portrait of the fat lady, allowing them access to the Gryffindor common room. “Just trust me, Remus. You won’t even notice, I won’t tell anyone else, but I can guarantee you a date with Sirius. Too good to be true, right?”

He was about to argue, when he caught sight of the rest of the marauders sitting by the fire. Peter was throwing Bertie Botts beans towards James, who was struggling to catch one in his mouth. Sirius was rolling around on the floor, giggling and groaning. Remus suspected he had caught a bean and the flavour had been less than desirable. 

“Hi, James,” said Lily, waving cutely at him.

Clearly he was so stunned by her striking up conversation first that his jaw dropped open as he stared at her waving kindly. This was also perfect for Peter, who launched a perfectly aimed bean straight down his throat. James began coughing and retching, trying to yell at Peter who had leapt onto the sofa, out of reach, and begun crying with laughter. Sirius too was shaking on the floor with silent peals of laughter, and James was simultaneously slapping him and choking on the bean, and choking out a noise that could have been the words “you bastard!” if one were to interpret it creatively. 

Remus and Lily shared a look. 

“Look, i’ll give you this one opportunity to back out now that we’ve both seen these idiots. I wouldn’t blame you for changing your mind,” she said, with a grin.

“We both know that neither of those things are going to happen.”

“Good.” She gave him a peck on the cheek and hopped up the girl’s dormitory stairs.

Remus watched her go, red hair swishing. He wished he was into girls when he was with Lily - compare her to the writhing thing on the carpet that had stolen his heart. His reverie was interrupted as James pressed their foreheads together - an angry bloated, choking form that was garbling “WHYDAD SHEEE KITH YUUU?”

“Aaah!”

“TELLL MEE!”

“Go away!” he shoved him over, where he fell over the back of the couch and landed on Peter who shrieked through his laughter, wrestling James off him. He walked towards the dog animagus who was now lying on the floor, head propped up on his elbow, firelight behind his hair making it glow like he was some sort of … Quidditch god. Remus sighed. His inner monologue was clearly no Shakespeare. Hopefully William himself had never come up with anything as shameful as ‘he lay there like a Quidditch god’. 

“Hey Moons,” said Sirius.

“Hey.”

“Waaatch out!” Before Remus knew what was happening, Sirius had leapt up and tackled him, Remus gripping tight to his body in shock, and they landed on top of the other boys on the sofa. One mushy, tangly heap of outraged shouting and laughter. Remus choked out a laugh although he was winded by Sirius, and James seemed to be slapping him, although his movement was impeded by the number of bodies, 

“Dude,” Remus turned his head to look at the source of the voice, only to see Sirius’ an inch away. His breath caught in his throat. “Why is Lily kissing you now?”

“It was just- I helped her with something. She helped me. Maybe. It’s fine.” He had no idea how to even begin to explain Lily's awful plan that might but more likely might not get him a date with the gorgeous man tangled around him.

He looked relieved at that. “You’d tell me if you were dating, right?” There was a flicker of vulnerability in his eyes as he said it, though he flicked his hair and added “because you know, I’d have to prepare the restraints for James’ inevitable wrath if you ever did date Lily.” James roared in agreement, which turned into a pitiful choke and a jellybean shot across the common room.

“Pads, you don’t have to worry about Lily and I. She really is like my sister.” He felt a little reckless, and added, “You wouldn’t think about going out with James, right? He’s your brother…”

“No! Of course not!” 

“It’s just like that,” he said quickly.

“You hear that, you dumb deer?” yelled Sirius, as James and Peter tried to wrench themselves from the pit of boys. “Imagine going out with me!”

“Eww,” said James. “Yeah, you convinced me, Moony. Just you know. She can’t like. Run out of kisses or anything.” He said it with a pushed out bottom lip. Very pathetic.

“Shut up you twat,” said Peter, slapping him over the head. “And get up!”

Remus waited an iota of a moment longer than maybe strictly necessary before getting up. His hand had somehow wound up resting on Sirius’ thigh. Although SIrius seemed rather content to stay where he was. Could it be- or maybe? 

“Fine, well off to bed then,” said James, grabbing Remus by his proverbial ‘scruff’ and giving him a noogie. “What is this ‘thing’ that you and Lily are helping each other with?”

“Homework?”

“What? No…”

“Just because you’ve never done any in your life, James, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Moony?” Someone drew back the curtain, waking Remus suddenly. He blinked at the daylight streaming in through the window, and the silhouetted figure that had done the drawing-back. _Quidditch god_ floated round his brain before he grunted it away. “What’s up? Everyone else has gone to breakfast.”

Remus was looking pale. Hia eyelids really wanted to be shut again. He had barely gotten any sleep as he finished his essay for potions by wandlight under the sheets. He swung his legs out of the bed and his essay and quill clattered to the floor.

“What’s this?” asked Sirius, bending down to pick it up.

“Just nothing. Put it in my bag.”

“It’s Sluggy’s essay.”

“Mmh.” Remus clambered into his uniform, no time for a shower at this rate.

“I thought you said Lily helped you with it last night?”

“Uh…”

“It’s not like Remus Lupin to leave an essay til the last minute, so what is Lily helping you with if it’s not homework?” He said, dangling the piece of paper around like a lure.

 _Not this shit again._ “Would everyone stop using my homework as hostage for information! Give that back- Now! Sirius!” He leapt at him, but Sirius kept using his epic bludger-dodging skills to evade him. Eventually he bowled into him and they fell onto his bed. Remus snatched at his parchment, still out of reach, Sirius stretched out underneath him. “Look. I asked her what her plan is. And she would. Not. Tell me. I really have no idea. But she is going to help.”

They were both panting, with a healthy flush. “Help with what?” he asked quietly. Again, Remus thought perhaps he was stretching exactly how long for he could remain lying on top of Sirius. Then again, it wasn’t as though he was trying to escape anytime soon.

“Sure you’re not thinking of surrender? As my substantial mass crushes you? Slowly. Painfully!” He jibed.

Sirius pinched him. “What? This skinny body? Crush me?” Remus let out a small shriek, then clapped his hand to his mouth. “Are. You. Ticklish?”

“No. No! Stop that! Ah! Insubordination! Mutiny!”

“You are delightfully ticklish!” yelped Sirius, sneaking a hand under his sweater.

Oh it was delight. It was too much. “Tactical diversion!” he shouted as he launched himself towards his essay and snatched it from him, tumbling from the bed and straightening himself again.

Sirius just rolled over, looking dishevelled and perfect. He was grinning in a way that made Remus’ soul trip up in his own body. “What on earth are you two up to?” He mumbled conspiratorially.

“Breakfast?” said Remus, grabbing his bag. Desperate to leap back onto the bed, and determined to not let his deluded fantasies run away with him.

 

 

**********************************

 

 

In the Great Hall, Peter and James were sat opposite each other at the table. Surprisingly, Lily was also with them, sat next to Peter. Remus slid himself in next to James, and Sirius sat on his other side. Lily gave Remus a significant ‘look’ as she said “Morning Remus.” He frowned with an expression that he hoped conveyed _Sirius doesn’t always sit next to me, it’s just this morning,_ until she said “morning Sirius,” at which point he began helping himself to toast, avoiding everyone’s eyes. James was flicking his gaze between them, scowling. Possibly still wondering if Lily and Remus were secretly going out.

“Morning Lily,” replied Sirius. “Are you… up to something?” he said in a way that suggested he knew very well she was up to something.

“Can’t I just sit with my favourite Marauders?” she replied, sickly sweet.

“Only if you promise to make it a habit. Butter, Remus?”

Lily snorted, then covered it up with a minor coughing fit. But Remus glared at her, pushing away thoughts of _passing butter doth not a proposal make_ , but accepting it nonetheless. Although it was with a wobbling hand and a face that was starting to feel so hot that could surely melt it. He felt certain that Lily was trying to catch his eye and he was determined to keep his face looking towards his toast. Endlessly spreading butter over the crusty surface. Unable to concentrate long enough to remember the next step of eating toast was to put it in your mouth.

“You can count on it. Well, see you in class.” Having made her mischeif, she upped and went to sit with her friends.

“What a weirdo, can’t see what you see in her, James,” said Peter as Lily abandoned them.

“Easy for you to say when you’ve got Bertha,” mumbled James. “Remus, have you got enough butter on that toast?”

Remus felt like sobbing as he took a slice, the fat running onto the plate. It was a little on the overindulgent side. “No, dis is how i like it,” he mumbled through oily mouthfuls, willing everyone to look away. He could hear Lily giggling a few seats over. He closed his eyes again. If he couldn’t see everyone’s startled faces, maybe they didn’t exist.

“Moony… have you got like… pre-moon butter cravings?”

“Shut up everyone,” he murmured, dropping the toast on his plate. He didn’t feel hungry anyway.  “Let’s go to class.’

 

 

**********************************

 

 

“Psst.”

Remus pretended that the irritating distraction was just not there and continued taking notes from the black board.

“Psst, Moony.”

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then continued writing notes. Everything was normal. He could do this.

“Moon Moon…”

“Would you be quiet?” he hissed at Sirius who was sitting at the desk next to him. A fact that had not gone unnoticed by Lily, who had waggled her eyebrows at him suggestively, although the fact that Sirius was following their usual transfiguration ritual of sitting next to him was not eyebrow waggle-worthy in Remus’ opinion. Not that anybody seemed to think much of hs opinion.

“Lupin! No talking in class,” shouted Professor McGonagall“

Sorry, professor,” he said meekly and continued taking notes, ears burning. Not before noticing that Lily had whipped her head round to smirk in his direction. _He’s always distracting you..._ He hadn’t even been the one to start it! _No, that is a thought that belongs to idiots. You rose to the provocation. Just ignore it. Just ignore everyone._ Fortunately, Sirius seemed to have quietened down for the moment, hopefully he was even paying attention. He seemed to have picked up his quill. Had a miracle occurred?

A little ball of paper rolled onto his notes. Remus closed his eyes again, gathering the last scraps of his sanity. He snuck a glance at Sirius who was doing a good impersonation of paying attention. Until he shot a glance at Remus, and then the sweetest smile he had ever seen. One that seemed to say ‘sorry about that’. _I’m not falling for that one. My crush doesn’t render me a pushover._

Curse those puppy dog eyes!

Remus couldn’t help but smile back shyly. He slowly uncrumpled the parchment. It was another stick doodle but of just the dog and the wolf this time. The dog was barking and the wolf looked grumpy for a stick figure, but there was a heart above each animal's’ head. As though to say ‘I’m sorry i’m noisy but i love you and sorry i made you grumpy but you still love me.’ At least, that’s what Remus read from it.

Merlin, he was so bloody annoying.

He tucked the doodle in his textbook anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

Remus felt the familiar prickle over his eyes and nose as he walked into the potions classroom. There were usually irritants in the air here that Lily attributed to his ‘wolfy senses’. Remus just wondered if it was hayfever. He found potions harder than other subjects because he seemed to have a fair few unpredictable reactions to certain reagents, but he simply loved the allure of potion making even if it didn’t always come naturally to him. Rubbing his eyes, he persevered and unpacked his bag at his usual desk, idly wondering when Lily’s ‘super secret plan’ was going to be enacted. Peter, his usual potions buddy, trotted a little sheepishly up to his usual spot. 

“Hey Pete,”

“Remus umm hey, I was wondering…” he started sheepishly. “I would have said before, but Bertha just asked if we could sit together in potions today and-”

Remus smiled. He knew that Bertha (the girl from the third floor tapestry) was important to Pete. “Yes, of course, don’t sweat it.”

“Hey, thanks Moony.”

“No problem.”

Remus’ fuzzy glow of helping out his friend was quickly dampened as he saw none other than Lily give Bertha a thumbs up, and then smirking at Remus from across the classroom.  _ What is that sly witch planning now… _ His heart quickened as she stood up and swished her hair, then marched over to the desk in front of Remus; where James and Sirius were sitting. Why oh why was Remus filling up with a sense of dread.

“Hey James.”

Remus had to hand it to the guy - he occasionally knew how to switch it on. 

 

This was not one of those times.

 

“Hah- heey Lily,” he leant forwards, perhaps a little scared of what she was about to do. Sirius, on the other hand, had draped himself over his chair, looking as causal and ‘punk rock’ as you could in a potions lesson.

“I was wondering-” she hesitated to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. A coy trick that James seemed to be falling head over heels for. “If you wanted to sit with me in potions today?”

The poor kid nearly died standing up from his desk. His foot got caught in his bag strap and the chair skidded across the floor, James only staying upright by grabbing onto the table. Sirius burst out laughing. “Yes! Ah, yeah that would be great! Shall we go to your desk?”

She smiled sweetly. “Yes, I’ll grab your cauldron.”

Then, while James was distracted with his bag, she winked at Remus. Ah, sweet sweet dread. This was her plan. Devil woman. He swallowed thickly as he made eye contact with Sirius, who had finished berating James for ‘just thinking he’d be okay with being abandoned.’ (Although he didn’t really sound upset, just trying to be a lovable drama queen.) As James departed, he spun round to look at Remus.

“Hey, Moons, where’s Wormy?”

“He went to sit with Bertha.”

“So James is with his girl, Wormy is with his girl…”

“I’m not sure Lily is James’ ‘girl’...”

He leapt up and dumped his cauldron next to Remus. “Looks like we’ve got the best deal then.” He slumped into the chair next to him, flashing that gorgeous smile. “Guess that makes you my girl.” And a wink. Oh Merlin. Remus had to slap him to distract him from his own reddening face. Or distract himself. Or his soul. Or something. Good grief, it was embarrassing to be so affected by such a ridiculous gesture.

“Why can’t you be  _ my _ girl?” he jested, desperately trying not to read more into that sentence. Desperately trying to regain some of his casual air.

“Okay,” Sirius said immediately. Catching Remus’ breath. There was a smile still playing on his face, and he couldn't quite tell if he was being sarcastic and playful or not. “Well, as your ‘girl’, want me to take your homework to the teacher’s desk?”

“Uh…” he sputtured. Sirius had taken their essay parchments and trotted to the front of the classroom before he heard him say “that would be- nice.” Slughorn was sitting at the front, having a quick chat with Sirius, leaving Remus alone to analyse. His brain was going ten thousand miles an hour, and also not moving at all. Then his stomach had started growling in annoyance, partly to get his warring brain to shut up and partly to signify that it had not had any substantial food that day. It was rather disorientating.  _ It’s just another one of those nice gestures that friends do because they are normal things to do. _ Then the other side of his brain was going  _ Yes, but was that normal?!   _ His stomach went  _ grrrrr. _

He forced himself to smile as Sirius walked back. “Thank you.”

 

Slughorn silenced the class and waved his wand so the potion instructions appeared on the black board at the front of the class. Scanning through the list Remus felt that pang that he could outwardly control but still felt a stab of panic. Crush a marzanna bean with a silver knife. His friends had his back, there wouldn’t be a problem. There was never a problem. He tended to come up in a rather pesky case of silver burns whenever he touched it, however, which always gave him the shivers. 

Sirius nudged him and gave him a thumbs up. “I got ya, Moons.”

_ Just a normal everyday gesture, there is nothing weird or special, it’s just. Really really nice. Any of my friends would do that for me. _

_ But this just seems like mooooore _

_ grrrrrr _

He still couldn’t stop the smile on his face. “Well, better not mess it up then.”

Sirius laughed, a laugh which sounded oddly like Padfoot’s bark. It was charming. 

 

The potion brewing went fairly smoothly after that. At least to begin with. Sirius squished the marzanna bean juice everywhere, which Remus felt strongly was intentional on his part. Then, after adding the woodlice the potion spat out thick, purple steam that made Remus’ eyes water and stream down his face. Nobody else seemed to be affected by the steam though. Remus looked with red eyes at Sirius, or tried to through the burning sensation. Then Sirius ‘accidently’ tripped and poured his potion water over Remus so that he could reasonably cover up the reaction and go and clean himself up at the sink, away from potentially suspicious eyes. By the time he’d returned, Sirius had done the business with the next ingredients had dispersed the steam with a neat little puff charm. (One that they used to knock students’ hats off, amongst other more nefarious things). Though he still felt a bit light headed as the vapour hung in the room.

“Heh, look at them over there,” said Sirius, nodding towards James and Lily. James had his tongue stuck out as he stirred the cauldron with an unseen concentration while Lily actually made a good show of being nice to him. By the end of the lesson he had loosened up and they were actually joking and laughing together. 

“Was this your plan with Lils?” asked Sirius. “Was it romance assistance?”

“Uh…” he hesitated. “Something like that I guess.” That wasn’t entirely a lie. 

“Wow, you must be one hell of a love expert, Moons. Although, I can see why you didn’t get your homework done. It must have taken all evening to produce these results.”

He wondered if he and Sirius looked as happy as they did. Bertha and Peter looked downright adorable together as well. He looked at Sirius, who was already staring at him, and they smiled shyly together. Remus felt his pulse speed up. They had yet to break eye contact. Had they been staring too long now? Why did he feel like every interaction with Sirius lead to him pushing the boundaries? This was not what normal friends did. Then he started to feel a little fuzzy at the edges. “Oh gosh,” he gasped. He grasped out for Sirius’ robe as he felt himself lose balance and just got a wisp of his robe before… well, it was odd, but the best way to explain it was that the floor spun around and hit him on the side of the head. 

 

“Remus!”


	6. Chapter 6

He woke up in the hospital wing, in his bed near the window that Madam Pomfrey reserved for him since it was the most out of the way. His was light headed and ravenous, but otherwise felt okay. 

“Aww, hey Moons!”

“Glad to see you’re awake.”   
“We got you some dinner.”

He beamed at the sight of his three best friends cosied up on what looked like transfigured chairs at the end of his bed. They all leapt up and leapt on his hospital bed in a big, mushy pile.

“What happened?” he asked. (Although wheezed might have been a more accurate way to describe the sound that escaped his crushed lungs against the weight of three healthy boys.

Sirius, who had managed to manoeuvre himself so he was pressing hte most of his body against Remus’ ( _coincidece_ ) said “Moons, I am so sorry, I tried to catch you. I nearly did! But I was holding the bubo pus and well-” He held up a hand that was wrapped in bandages. 

“Sirius!”

“Ach, It’s fine.”

“Stop your mothers’ meeting,” whined James, who wriggled to face them all. There was an odd movement of legs in the process. “I have to tell him straightaway or I will burst!”

“Whatever, you stupid stag.”

“Remus!” James exclaimed.

He rose his eyebrows, a little surprised by the ejaculation.

“Remus,” he said again, a little more dreamily.

“What.”

“Oh, Remus,” His love sick expression was starting to give Remus clues about what this might be about… and it was giving him a funny feeling in his tummy that trickery was afoot.

“What…”

“Lily asked me to Hogsmeade!”

“Really??”

James glared at him. Honestly, he hadn’t meant to sound confused. And a little panicked. A reaction that also elicited a frown from Sirius. Remus was just desperately trying to figure out how this fit in with Lily’s Super Secret Plan… Not that he wanted it to work. Although now it sounded like he did. He pulled the covers over his head.

“No need to sound so surprised.”

“We didn’t believe him either,” chuckled Peter.

“Yeah, although he came to lunch white as a sheet, blubbing like a fish.”

“I don’t Blub.”

“All you were saying was-” said Peter, kneeling to prepare his impression, “‘Lill-eh... meh... heeehg- med, bleeeeh’” followed by an unflattering but all to believable tongue-lolling display, which made Sirius snort. James slapped him halfheartedly, before turning back to Remus, grasping his face.

“She asked me after potions was over. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. There was purple mist everywhere, like a-”

“Bog?”

“Pygmy puff fart?”

“Dreeeeam,” he finished, ignoring the helpful suggestions. James seemed to have gotten over his temporary huff and rolled onto his back. Which, given the size of the bed, also meant rolling onto the floor. Something that peter and Sirius, and even Remus laughed at, although James hadn’’t seemed to notice. “Then she- she did that-”

“Thing with her hair,” James, Sirius and Peter all finished in unison. James with wonderment and Sirius and Peter with a little more boredom. As though they’d heard it before.

Remus rolled his eyes. He still couldn’t believe he fell for that. Hook, Line and sinker.

 

“What is going on over here?!” called someone who, even if you had to guess you’d know it was Madam Pomfrey, although Remus had been going to the hospital wing so often now that he knew her voice by heart. So did the Marauders, he thought tenderly. “Out!” She demanded, wafting a towel over his bed, towards the boys who had taken over it. The Marauders scampered towards the door with sniggering and giggles. “Not you, Remus! Drink up!” She thrust a potion into his palm, which he downed dutifully. It tasted- okay actually. Although there was an aftertaste of lavender that made him think of bathwater.

“Can I go now?” He asked, looking fondly to his three friends loitering by the door. 

“I guess I guess! Although it is against medical judgement. You know I’d like to have you here resting for the night, but -” Her voice went softer as she said “We do see rather a lot of each other.”

Remus nodded a little awkwardly, and lolloped off to join the Marauders.

 

**

 

“And I guess we could take a picnic to go to the shrieking shack…” James was saying as Remus joined them. “Or would she prefer a walk up that mountain side?”

“Mate, don’t drag her up a mountain!” cried Peter.

“Oh, well if you’re so smart, are you even going with anyone?”

“Are you really dense? Pete’s been snogging Bertha for the last week,” said Sirius, giving him a pat.

“Wha? How did you know that?”

“Behind the third floor tapestry,” added Remus with amusement.

“How did you? Remus! I trusted you!”

Remus shrugged. “I don’t mind. Have you invited her to Hogsmeade?” He added, feeling very conscious about whether the question fit in naturally with the flow of the conversation, and as-casually-as-possible looking round to see if anyone thought it was a weird question.

Pete ducked his head and ran his hand through his hair. “Well, yeah I guess, I mean,”

“Pete, you sly dog!” exclaimed James, jumping on him and ruffling his hair. 

“He’s not a dog,” pouted Sirius. 

“Does that mean ‘yes’?” Asked Remus, a little nervous that he had sounded slightly on the frantic side. He was not a stupid wizard. He could see where the equations were heading. The thrilling and terrifying conclusion. 

“Yeah, yeah I asked her in potions today actually.”

“Dude, I can't believe you let James here talk our ears off about his failure of a lovelife” “-hey!” “While you were here felling the maiden with one fowl swoop!” said Sirius, giving him a friendly punch.

“You fell the dragon…” murmured Remus, certain that he had gone unnoticed, and a little wobbly as the last piece fell into place. “Not the maiden… you don’t kill the maiden.”

“I mean, if you and Remus don’t mind that is…” Peter said, looking back at Remus who had just located his feet and was gearing up to walking with them again. 

“Do we mind?” said Sirius, who was still sort of- bounding? “Remus and I will barely notice you’re gone!”

They locked eyes in the corridor - Remus hoping his expression was glad and in agreement, but also feeling a little manic. Like he couldn't contain his thoughts that were spiralling into the stratosphere. But to have reacted any other way to Sirius’ deep, black eyes so full of warmth like a fire hearth, and that flowing hair framing his face that just suited a smile.  _ Quidditch God… Go away! Wretched thoughts! _

 

“Moony?”

“Ah yeah. Grood. Great, i mean. And good.”  _ Curses. _ “Good.”

James cracked a laugh, “You could sound more convincing, Moons.”

“I can’t wait,” he peeped, following them all back to the dorms. 


	7. Chapter 7

He walked silently next to his nemesis. Their footsteps echoing through the dim corridors. Her red hair occasionally swishing like fire in the low torchlight. Their was a conversation crackling in the air, waiting to be touched on, but neither of them seemed to want to be the first to bring it up. So they walked. Continuing their prefect patrol.

Eventually-

“So what are you doing tomorrow?”

_ Evil, conniving vixen. _

He shrugged.

“I’m going to Hogsmeade.” She continued.

_ I know. The whole school is. _

He hummed. 

“I’ve got a date, you know.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“Have  _ you _ got a date, Remus?”

His heart pinched. “No.”

“Oh, so is Peter joining you?”

“Joining  _ who _ , Lily? Joining who?”

“You, Sirius and ...Bertha ?” she said, suggestively. 

He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Lily, was that part of your plan?”

She stopped to look at him inquisitively. “Wait, Bertha is joining you? “

“What? No. I meant you in inviting James to Hogsmeade.”

She shrugged. It was difficult to read her expression in the candle light. 

“Because I don’t want you to lead James on for my benefit.”

“Remus, I'd never do that-”

“Because a date with Sirius isn’t worth destroying James.”

“Remus, I-” she giggled, “I want to go.”

“Ah.”

She was still giggling, which was unsettling. “A date?”

He cursed his slip of the tongue. “It’s not a date.”

“So Bertha is joining you?”

“no-”

“So, it is a date.”

He shook his head. Somehow her mass scheme seemed to have come together. “Did you blackmail Bertha into asking Pete out?”

She laughed. “How could I have possible done that? I just… increased the odds a bit is all.” 

“I'm still not sure I totally believe you. “

“I mentioned at breakfast that I might sit with James in potions. Said some mumbo about the stars being in a favourable position for blossoming romance and that rubbish, you know she's rather gullible. “

“Lily, you can't say that about people!”

“Well she lapped it up. And mentioned maybe she might sit with someone special too. Said that she wasn't sure he wanted to be serious but since the stars were aligned. ..”

“You are just.”

“Well, we made a ‘constellation pact’ - stop rolling your eyes at my genius, Remus! I mean it was a risk.  _ She _ said she was nervous after transfiguration and couldn’t go through with it and  _ I _ said ‘Bertha, you're gorgeous and he is so clearly into you’ and  _ she _ said ‘Lily, James has been besotted with you since the first time you told him to sod off,’ and  _ I  _ said ‘Bertha, you can't back out because I'll be too nervous if you don’t do it!’ So she went to ask him, knowing it would give me the courage I needed.”

 

Remus’ head was buzzing. 

 

“Good job it was Peter.”

 

Bzzzzzzz

 

“I mean,  if she hadn't distracted Pete then he would have crashed your date.”

 

There were far too many moving pieces for Remus’ liking.  Somehow chess seemed simpler than this. Even with his second hand set that had a knight that preferred to take its own orders. And developed crushes of  his opponent’s pieces and refused to attack them.

 

“But Bertha didn't even ask Pete to Hogsmeade in the end!” He finally said.

“I know! Pete did that by himself. So, you see?”

He didn't see.

“I didn’t force Peter into a relationship, he did that of his own free will.”

Somehow that made it all even worse that Lily's plan had worked.  The universe clearly wanted this.

“You’re quiet, Moony, what's going on in that big brain of yours?”

How could he articulate the turbulence in his soul to her? Like he was about to catch a thermal and soar effortlessly to Africa for the winter, but that he might also run out of wind and fall, spiralling to the Earth. That really, it meant nothing official, their trip to Hogsmeade, but that it was a rare afternoon just him and Sirius and he wondered if anything would happen if their hands brushed…

“Moony? “

“Hurlghbluh,” was the best his brain could do.

“You'll be fine.”

“Munuh.”

“Do you want some advice? “

“narh”

“I think Sirius rather likes the fireplace in the common room.”

“Murrr. “

Why would he take the advice of a woman who clearly read people's romantic intent with 100% accuracy? Why? Why would he do that?

 

[Bonus conversation between Remus and himself before he falls asleep]

 

_ Tomorrow it’s just you and Sirius _

Go to sleep.

_ Lily got you a date with Sirius _

Do not give her any credit where it isn’t due.

_ What are you going to wear? _

Just- clothes! My normal clothes! Go to sleep!

_ But you’ll  look too scruffy! You couldn’t possibly… _

Goodnight!

_ He’d never kiss yo- _

I said goodnight!


	8. Chapter 8

After a sleep that felt like a breath, Remus awoke to the usual Saturday morning noise. There was a pat pat pat as James hopped round the room, putting on his trousers for quidditch practise. There was a clack and roll as Sirius’ broom rolled off his trunk and across the floor. Remus let the sounds fill his half-sleep. The Sun not yet making his curtains glow crimson.

“Padfoot, I just really can’t mess this up,” James was whispering, quiet enough that it wouldn’t have woken Remus if it weren’t for the rest of the ruckus they were making. With all the nighttime escapades they’d done, you’d think they’d be quieter.

“Dude. Prongs. Mate. Just chill out, really.”   
“But what if-”

“James.” There was the sound of a sort of gentle slap. Remus imagined Sirius grasping James by the shoulders. “Look at me, what do you want most from today?”

Remus frowned.  _ Good question… _

“Well, I want her to like me and-”

“No no no. She already likes you. What do you want?”

Remus laced his sheet between his fingers and slowly gripped them. 

At James’ silence, Sirius continued, “If it were me, I’d want to see her smile and hear her laugh.”

Remus pulled the covers over his head. 

“That’s-”

“Manageable, right? We wanna win the Quidditch cup, but in the meantime, catch the quaffle, yeah? One thing at a time.”

There was some patting, like James was thumping Sirius on the back or something. “Hit bludgers,” James said stupidly.

“You got it, Prongsy.”

“Ah, yeah. Sorry for being dumb. And sorry I’m ditching you today.”

“Mate, don’t even give it a second thought.”

“Pete’s got a date too, shame you and Remus couldn’t have one.”

Something stopped Remus’ heart for a minute.  _ Does James think Sirius should date me? _

“What do you mean?”

“Like, if all the Marauders had a… quaddi date.”

“Quaddi?”

“Like quadruple?”

_ No. He does not think that. _

“Uh huh.” He didn’t sound convinced.

“I could probably find someone if you wanted, I know a girl on the ravenclaw team-”

“Oh yeah, the seeker, right?”

Remus clenched the bedsheets, trying to convince himself his grumpy face arose because of his independent and totally spontaneous loathing of quidditch seekers flaring up totally randomly. He could pretend to be ill if James tried to send Sirius on a blind date. It was… precisely the middle of his moon cycle. When he was statistically feeling his best. So… that wouldn’t be suspicious, right? Sirius’ low chuckle was only making him feel more nauseous. He supposed that having him all to himself was too much to ask after all. He’d have to tell Lily about this seeker. She’d know what to do.

_ No! That would be admitting that she actually knew what she was doing. That you even wanted the plan in the first place! _

“I mean, she is super into you, Pads.”

Sirius laughed again like a soft knife. “She has made that fairly clear!”

_ I’ve always had a hatred of quidditch seekers. This has nothing to do with… with anything.  _

“Yeah? Awesome. I’m not sure about Remus though, do you know anyone who has a crush on him?”

There was that slicing, divine laugh again. “Well, I dunno. Maybe.” he chuckled again, like there was some inside joke. “Thanks Prongs-”

_ That’s it. I am not upset. If i was upset it would be admitting that I ever liked him. I don’t. I didn’t. I am just not getting out of bed today because of totally independent reasons. _

“-but I think I’m okay with Moony today,” he continued.

Remus wouldn’t be surprised if his heart had fizzled away the amount of stress it was under. His vision had whited out, until he remembered his head was under the sheets. He pulled the pillow down to the his chest and gripped it close, pushing his face into it.

“No? Really?”

“Yeah yeah, this whole thing sounds rather frantic. I think i’d have more fun with Moons than trying to suss out some girl.”

Remus’ smile was squashed into the pillow.

“You’d rather be with Moony than having a snog?”

_ They… can’t they be the same? _

“Dude!” There was a light smack. “Get that word out of your head now! Smile and laugh, remember? Under no circumstances ask Lily for a snog!”

“Smile and laugh…”

There was a thwumph of something soft being tossed. 

“Oi?” 

“What?”   
“Fuck off to Quidditch, you broom straddlers! Some of us want to sleep past 6 in the morning!”

“Sorry Pete…”   
“Smile and laugh…” James was repeating to himself as the boys left.

“And listen to Sirius, you dolt!”

“Smile and laugh…”

“Broom straddlers?”

“Fuuuuuuck oooff!”

“Smile and snog…”

*smack* “Laugh! You Stupid stag!”

 

Remus couldn’t bring himself to stretch out from his foetal position, cuddling his new-favourite pillow. 

“Remus? You awake?”

He sighed, emerging from under the sheets. “Tragically, yes.”

“They’re such fucking morons.”

“Pete, how are you feeling?” said Remus, sliding out of bed. Peter was pulling back the curtains on his bed. 

“What, you mean about later?”

“About uh, Bertha.”

Pete stopped to smile at him. “You’re always making sure we’re okay, Remus.” The man himself  just snorted at that, and pulled on a t shirt. Although he paused over which one to wear. “Yeah, I’m actually feeling pretty good about it. Not as batty as James at any rate. You think he’s got any hope?” 

“Umm, yeah I do actually.”

Peter squinted at him. “You’re good friends with Lily, do you know something?”

He shrugged. He definitely knew too much, but he wasn’t going to let that on to Peter. Not all of it, anyway.

Peter grinned. “You do know something!” He bounced over. “Has she spoken to you about it?”

“Hey! I’m a secret keeper!” He laughed, as Peter jumped his back.

“She’s talked to you about it!” He yelled, through laughter, “I won’t let go til you tell me!”

“I’ll never betray Lily!” He jested, running round the dorm room with the rat on his back. “You’ll have to torture me!”

“Rarrgh!” Peter leant over a bed to grab a pillow, pulling them both over.

“Argh!” Remus grabbed the curtains as they fell onto the floor, Peter pulling the bedclothes down with them. They lay laughing and panting, the drapery tumbling around them.

“Hah ha!” Yelled Peter, trapping him under the curtain. “Now, spill your secrets!”

Remus found that indeed he was rather stuck unless he expended a lot of energy. He flumped, accepting defeat rather than scrambling around in the sheets. “Fine! You won, you scoundrel. Lily said she wanted to go. That it was a date. There! Take your secrets and do with them what you will!”

Peter raised his eyebrows. “She actually said that?”

Remus nodded. 

“Wow, I kinda thought maybe she was egging him on or something. Or maybe that he’d just imagined it.”

Remus pursed his lips. He could all-too-clearly see how everyone in the school had probably drawn the same conclusions. 

“But, if she said that to you, I mean, you’re quite serious.”

“Hey!” He flumped him with a pillow.

“Okay okay! I mean, you’re like, you don’t mess around with people’s feelings.”

He folded his arms. “I guess.”

“You never talk badly about anyone.”

“And you would?”   
Peter stood up now, smiling ruefully. “I always admired you, Remus. You can see the best in people.”

Remus stood up too, partly as Peter repairo’d the curtains and they shot up to the poster bed, catapulting Remus onto his feet. “I just meant that people trust you.”

“Peter,” he touched his arm. “Do you think we don’t trust you?”

“What? No, forget I said it. I mean, you just told me about Lily, and I’m pretty sure I can keep that to myself!”

“Looks like I’m not so trustworthy after all then,” joked the werewolf to the rat, sticking out his tongue.

“Shall we get breakfast?”


	9. Chapter 9

They met Lily in the common room, who claimed she was up early to finish an assignment before her Hogsmeade outing. Peter looked impressed, believing more and more that she was actually into the whole idea of a date with James.

At breakfast, Remus made absolutely sure not to have the toast. Even though Sirius wasn’t here. He took spoonfuls of porridge. He and Peter and Lily chatting about rubbish until there was a lull in the conversation.

“So, what about you, Remus?” Asked Peter.

He raised his eyebrows. Lily looked inquisitively at Wormtail.

“What about Remus?”

“Do you want a date for Hogsmeade?”

He did not like Lily’s coy little smile. Fortunately, Peter couldn’t see it as they, were sitting next to each other. Before he could close the floodgate she asked “And why do you ask that?”

“Well, James mentioned getting Sirius a date before they left for quidditch-” Remus was happy and how Lily frowned at that, indicating that clearly her super secret plan was fallible. The goddess becoming a mortal!  _ Although, actually yes, we don’t want Sirius going out with uh… the wrong people. So yes, frowny faces.  _ “And it sounds like they could get this ravenclaw girl to go to Hogsmeade with him-”

“The seeker?”

“Yeah, her, and-”

_ How does everyone know who this cursed Ravenclaw seeker girl is? And what on earth as she been doing to show her crush for Sirius? _

“And- he said that it was all a  bit rushed, but I think he was just worried about leaving you all alone, mate.” He put his fork down to focus all his attention on him. “Besides, no one actually asked you what _ you _ wanted. You know we’d all do whatever we could if you had someone in mind.”

The sentiment was very touching, although wildly misplaced. Everything was already as close to perfect as it would ever be.

“Sirius said he wanted to go out with this girl?”

“No, but if Remus had someone then he could.”

“What _ did _ he say?” she said, a little urgently, looking between them. Peter looked a little confused at her tone, but brushed it off.

“That he would rather stay with me,” said Remus quietly, as though that might end the conversation if he shovelled porridge into his mouth. 

“But is that what you want, Moons?”

“I’m… fine with that.” He was trying not to sound too eager. Flippancy was better.

Peter frowned. “You’re always so self sacrificing. Let me help.” He spun round to look up and down the tables. “Who would you want to-”

Lily stopped him with a hand on the shoulder. “Pete, it’s fine. I have a plan.”

Remus closed his eyes. It wasn’t untrue. In fact, it was turning out to be far too much true. Truth. Too much truedom.  _ Gah, words. _

Peter raised an eyebrow. She waggled hers. She was far too good at eyebrow waggling. “A plan to… get Remus a date?”

“Trust me.”  _ Too many people trust this woman! _

He squinted at her, perhaps trying to figure out if he could pry the information out of her. “Okay…”

 

At that moment, Sirius and James marched into the great hall splattered in mud, deep in conversation. Sirius was cradling his arm, the one that had been burnt in potions, although he barely seemed to notice it as he and James plotted quidditch tactics or whatever it was that they talked about. Lily leapt up and went to say hi to James, who ran a hand through his wild hair, leaving a streak of mud in it, but he didn’t seem to notice. SIrius came and sat down with a grin on his face as everyone watched James smile and Lily giggle. She then waved and trotted off, probably to the library to REmus’ suspicions. She probably wasn’t lying about that assignment.

James sat down next to Peter, grinning like an idiot. 

“Hey Prongs! It actually looked like she wanted to speak to you!” said Peter. “Get your robes away from me, you’re covered in mud!”

“Yeah! Sirus, your advice really worked. I just… made her smile! And it was the best.”

“Yeah you did awesome.”   
“I just want to do that for every day for the rest of our lives-”   
“Too much, too much.”

“Catch the quaffle! That’s all I had to do! And I did that whole practise!”

“I think you’re confusing romance with quidditch again…” murmured Remus, a little scared.

“You did a lot of quaffle catching though,” added SIrius.

“Then we can’t fail to win the world cup!”

“House cup! House cup! How could we possibly win the world cup?”

“Although you said about bludger hitting, and let’s face it, the bludger hit you more than you hit-”

“ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT,” said SIrius loudly, ending that conversation. “And Bertha?” he asked Peter, changing the subject quickly.

Pete gave a small wave down the table, and a cute girl shyly waved back. Fucking pro. Remus was starting to wonder if Peter wasn’t actually the love expert of Hogwarts. 

“Yeah, I’m all good. Listen, guys, have you heard about Lily and her plan for Remus?”

He started choking on his porridge. Sirius gave him a thump on the back, as he gulped down some tea. “No, Wormtail, it’s not important.”

Sirius frowned at him. “Lily has a plan for you?”

Remus shook his head furiously as Peter said “Yes! She has some secret plan to get him a girlfriend!”

James’ eyes widened in understanding, like he’d just connected some dots. Remus assumed that he had suddenly realised what he and Lily had been plotting together, and that it certainly wasn’t secretly dating behind his back. Sirius … well, he couldn’t see Sirius’ face. But he wasn’t saying anything.

“No, Wormy, that’s really not-” he began, determined to make it clear in front of  Sirius that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend.

“She just told me, after I suggested trying to find a quaddi-date, don’t look at me like that, Sirius! I like the term quaddi date.” He and James high-fived, James fervently nodding at the approval of his word.

“It’s fine!” Remus insisted again. “No! Not the word ‘quaddi date’, and if anyone is listening then never use it again. I meant that… I don’t want a d- a girlfriend,” he settled on that word, because it was true, feeling rather satisfied with his innocent deception.

“Oh, really?” asked Peter, looking genuinely surprised. aAmes shrugged and spooned himself some scrambled eggs, but still muttering something about ‘quaddi date’ and ‘progression of the english language’ and ‘stubborn blockheads’ though Remus didn’t pay him too much attention.

“You don’t?” asked Sirius, quietly. 

They glanced at each other, Sirius’ eyes sparkling somehow. Remus shook his head, smiling softly. 

“So uh… how was practise?” he asked, trying to change the topic to something James would quickly talk about with great enthusiasm. Which he could always be trusted to do.

Remus finished his breakfast with no more choking incidents. Although there was a near-miss where he had to put his cup down when his and Sirius’ knees brushed together. And neither of them moved away. He raised his teacup to his lips again, grinning into it, so no one could see.


	10. Chapter 10

“Smile and…? Prongs? Smile and what?” teased Sirius, who was lounging on the sofa.

“Shut up,” he said, fluffing his hair in the back of a teaspoon he’d bought up from the great hall. He was waiting for Lily to meet him in the Common room before they went to Hogsmeade together. Peter was still half convinced she wasn’t going to show. Remus was sat near Sirius’ feet, hoping not to get kicked and wondering how to use his position strategically to get into some sort of cuddle. Or a body bind. Anything would do at this stage.

“So, Moons, you and Lily really weren’t dating then?” asked James, still absorbed with his warped reflection in the back of the spoon.

“Like I said before. The concept is a total impossibility,” he muttered, not raising his eyes from his book.

“She was helping you find a girlfriend?”

“No-”   


“So where is this mystery girl?”

“There is no-”

“I thought we established Moony doesn’t want a girlfriend,” said Peter, frowning, possibly still a little upset that he couldn’t help Remus in any way.

James looked stupidly towards the fire, like he had all the pieces there but couldn’t see how they fit together.

“So wait, what exactly are you two doing, again?” asked Peter.

Remus kept his eyes on his book. 

“Look, you two worry about not crashing and burning, we’ll worry about how to occupy our tiny, frivolous minds while you’re gone,” said Sirius, dangling his foot over Remus’ book.

“As long as you don’t let Moony make you do homework-” muttered James, now polishing his glasses. “Ah! Lily!” He sprang up like his chair had been electrified and wandered over to her. She looked radiant. Long, red hair, a lovely bobble hat, but most beautifully was a vulnerable smile so unlike her prefect face. Or her ‘James, sod off’ face. It made her look so very lovely. 

“Ready?” She asked.

“Yeah, I was just uh.” He coughed. “Shall we go?” He held out his arm and she took it, waving bye to Remus as she walked to the portrait hole. THen giving him a little thumbs up.

  
Remus looked at the others who looked… well, Sirius looked bemused and Peter was catching flies. 

“What the bloody hell was that?” asked Peter.

“She… she didn’t kill him,” noted Sirius, full of disbelief.

“I guess she really does actually legitimately like him,” said Pete, like he’d just witnessed the resurrection of Merlin.

Even Remus was feeling a little perplexed. “I am quite frankly stunned. I mean for Lily, that was brazen.”

Maybe the stars actually were aligned. 

Sirius looked to Remus, who just shrugged. Then Sirius nudged him with his toe, so he gave him a withering look, but with a smile. They looked up to see Peter squinting at them.

“You two aren't… planning something nefarious, are you?”

Remus figured his face must have looked very guilty from the glare Pete was giving them. He pushed his nose back into his book. 

“My bed had better be fine for me to sleep in this evening, that’s all i’m going to say. Ah, Bertha,” he stood up and took the smiling girl out of the portrait hole.

_ His bed had better be alright to sleep in… what on earth did he mean by that?? _ Did Peter think they were going to… get up to nefarious things in his bed? Or in any bed for that matter… He looked at Sirius. Immediately his suspicions rose as he looked very sheepish.

“I might have charmed his bed to nibble his feet one year,” he gushed without prompting.

Remus sighed. That made more sense than… well whatever it was that he had been thinking.  _ Curse my dirty and out of control brain. I’m just so wild and untameable, i’d make a succubus blush.  _ He sighed again.  _ That was about the same level as quidditch god... _

“So, you wanna get a move on?” asked Sirius, though he made no movement. They had decided to wait to see off the lovers so that they could get a head start and they wouldn’t crash their dates. Plus, Remus had a sneaking suspicion that Sirius wanted to watch the carnage.

“Umm,” said Remus, tucking his hair behind his ear, a gesture that he only too-late remembered was what Lily did to seduce James. He quickly looked at Sirius to see if he’d noticed. He was staring straight at him, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. “I was actually wondering if-”  _ Have i totally misjudged this? _ “You would like to stay here?”

“Right here?” He sounded a little disbelieving.

Remus quickly backtracked and began to stand up, saying “It’s fine, whatever you want to do-”   
“Moony!” He leapt up on the sofa, pulling him back down. “I’d love to stay right here with you! Look at this: empty common room, nice warm fire,” he ruffled his hair, “And a rumpled Moony. Perfection!”

He blushed a little, feeling a trifle warm by the fire. “Umm well if you’re su… wait, where are you going?” Sirius had leapt off the sofa and run up to the dorm room. Remus felt a little hurt, picking up his book and about to follow him to ask if he did just want to go to Hogsmeade after all, but then he bounded back down the stairs, two at a time, trailing a tartan blanket behind him.

“Where did you get that…”   


“Questions, questions. What are you reading, Moons?”

“Umm, just a book i picked up at a second hand book store.”

“Well, move over, I want to join in.”

Remus shimmied into the corner of the sofa, tucking his feet up and finding a comfortable place. He let out a breath of surprise as a warm body snuffled up into his lap. 

“Padfoot…”

The big, shaggy dog looked up at him with those gorgeous eyes. Remus almost bent down to kiss him on the head, but stopped himself and settled for scratching behind the ears. He wagged his tail so it thumped against the sofa, although it was weighed down by the blanket that he had pulled over himself. 

“Okay then… can you see?”

Padfoot nodded, letting out a warm puppy sigh over Remus’ knee as Remus began to read, the other hand stroking Sirius’ fur on his back. He stayed still longer than Remus had been expecting, Sirius was rarely seen enraptured by a book let alone Padfoot, but then he started to hear puppy snores. Remus wondered if he was exhausted from quidditch that morning. He guiltily thought to Sirius’ bupotuber pus injury, and now it was sore after quidditch practise. He probably just needed a quiet sleep. James was fun and rough and tumble, but perhaps this had been just the excuse Sirius had needed to get a quiet nap.

He gazed into the fire, carding the soft fur between his fingers. This was fairly perfect. If this was a first date then it would have been perfect. Even though it wasn’t a date, Remus would be happy to just have this. Sirius dozing in his lap while he read in front of the fire. He tried to stop the wash of melancholy as he thought of what life outside Hogwarts as a werewolf might look, but tried to stop it before he could go that far. Though, he couldn’t hush the thought of  _ This is probably the happiest the universe will allow you to be. _

Maybe animals can feel emotion. Maybe Padfoot just woke up. Maybe he had been awake the whole time and read to the end of  the page and wondered why Remus hadn’t turned the leaf yet. But Padfoot sat up and nuzzled Remus’ ear, waking him from his reverie. “Hey, Pads.” He patted him on the back ineffectual, so twizzled to fully cuddle the dog. He sniffled his snout over his shoulder, leaning into him. Remus wrapped his arms around the dog, stroking the fur. “Sorry, did I stop you reading?” Silence. “Something else?” A ruff. “I was uh-” he sighed. “Thinking. Too much.” In a moment, he was holding a man, not a dog. His heart inflating with his closeness.

“Whatchya thinkin’ about, Moony?” he asked gently.

“Mhhh,” he hummed noncommittally.

“Yeah,” he said softly.

The fire crackled in the distance.

“I'm just wondering if I'll be able to still do this when I leave Hogwarts.“ He could be honest with Sirius. 

“What, this? Cuddle me? Uh, yeah, as soon as you leave Hogwarts I'm revoking cuddle privileges.“ Remus smiled weakly at that. “in fact, I'm certain I'll shall never speak to you again.“ this elicited a quiet chuckle from Remus. 

“Shut up,“ he said, pushing him playfully. “you know full well that you'll be pining at my door and I'll refuse to let you in.“

Sirius chuckled, saying “I'll just come in through the window!“

“I'll put… dog proof locks on them! “

Sirius gave him a side eye. “you know I can change back into a human whenever I want, right?“

“I'll keep wild rabbits in my garden.“ he grinned. 

“You wouldn't dare…“

Sirius still hadn't quite gotten over his newfound instinct to chase rabbits, even in human form. It was always a source of amusement for the marauders watching him do spot checks before leaving the front entrance for the Green houses or the Quidditch pitch. If he even saw rabbits in the distance he’d run back inside and wait twenty minutes before trying again. To horks of laughter from the other boys.

Remus started laughing. Sirius broke into a wide grin and laughed too. 

“Moony, you're going to be fine after Hogwarts. And if anyone's mean to you, I'll go and dig up their lawn.“

“Thanks  pads. “

He absently fingered a page of his book as he realised that they had been sitting caught up in each other for a while now. Remus could feel his heart pound away in his chest. 

“You've nearly finished it, “murmured Sirius.  “what uh…  what do you plan on doing after you've finished it?“ he was gazing at Remus intently. 

“I guess I'll start the next in the series…“ he said absently. 

“Ah. “

“I think I have the next book on that in my trunk-” he suggested, still not breaking eye contact, trying to suss out if he was thinking it too. 

“You could get it then. Umm, in case you finish,” mumbled Sirius. “Then you wouldn’t have to move to start the next one.”

“Good… good idea. “he stood up, hair ruffled and lovely, and smiling quietly , ran up to the dorms. He rummaged through his trunk looking for it, standing up when he found it and flicking through the pages.

“Remus…”

He snapped round towards the door where his name had been uttured, the book falling shut in his hand. Sirius stood, one hand on the doorframe, uncertain whether to cross the boundary of the room.

“Yes?”

He stepped inside, closing the door behind him with a click that made his heart flutter.

“Umm,”

At any other time, he might have teased Sirius for having nothing to say for the first time ever. Although he seemed to have forgotten what words were himself.

“I have something-” he started walking towards him, still frozen with the book forgotten in his hands, “to tell you.”

“Oh,” Remus mouthed, allowing himself to be crowded by Sirius. There was a thump as Sirius placed his hands over Remus’ arms and the book tumbled to the floor. “Well what-” he whispered as Sirius pulled him gently closer, Remus replacing the book with his chest, “-what is it?” Feeling his arms wrap around him, their faces drawing closer. His lips parting as he looked up to his starry eyes.  That uncut hair framing his face. Those lips still closer. So close they could share a breath.

Remus curled his fingers through his shirt and pressed their lips together. He could hear Sirius’ gentle inhale, felt the arms round him squeeze softly, couldn’t see anything because he’d closed his eyes. Then a little press and Sirius leant back minutely, looking into the eyes of the werewolf he’d just kissed. The werewolf who for the first time ever, maybe, hadn’t cared about the book he’d stepped on, and the creased pages. 

Sirius leant forward and kissed him again, squeezing him tight. His lips are soft and gentle, his body firm and warm and wonderfully  _ there.   _ They stood in the silent dorm room, in the quiet tower, for who knows how long. 

“what uh, what were you going to tell me?”asked remus, running his hands through hair as black as night, a smile in his voice. 

Sirius laughed softly, pulling him close again. “can't remember, “he muttered, closing the gap. 


End file.
